| We found this online and thought it was
good enough to share with the rest of the class. Keep these by-laws
in mind at the ballpark. Don't be "That Guy" who doesn't give a kid
a ball.
We hope Mr. Gigley doesn't mind that we
posted his By-Laws here.
Visit his website
at
http://www.minorleagueroadtrip.com/
Foul
Ball Bylaws by C. Gigley
http://www.minorleagueroadtrip.com/bylaws.htm
You've all seen them at minor league parks.
Creepy looking characters decked out from head to toe in officially licensed
MLB wear, lurking behind home plate and down the foul lines. Many of them
have facial hair. With ballgloves in hand and a weird look of intensity
on their faces, they flail their way past kiddies for foul balls. Shame!
Fun at the old ballyard requires proper decorum by grown-ups. Play by these
rules and you'll be golden ...
1. No ballgloves
if you're 16 or older.
If you can vote and drive, you can catch
a foul ball with your bare hands. Don't be a loser. A swollen hand is a
big, throbbing badge of honor after securing your souvenir. Hey, this goes
for women, too. You want equal rights, you got 'em. |
2. No attempts when
kids are within a five-seat radius.
I've seen adults shamelessly rumble, stumble
and bumble after balls little kids nearby are vying for. I'm sorry, how
old are you again? Sit still and enjoy watching the wee nards bite, scratch
and punch their way to foul ball nirvana. The only exception is if the
ball is hit to you. Catch it if you can, but .... |
3. ... you must forfeit
the ball when sitting amongst youngsters.
Don't be a weiner. Hand it over and bask
in the applause you get from the crowd for doing so. You're such a whore
for attention anyway. You know you are. |
4. If you do catch
one (following the rules above, of course), split temporarily to ease tensions.
Parents glare at you, the P.A. announcer
may call you to the mat for keeping the ball. Screw them. Savor your treasure,
and the flavor of a juicy hot dog, at the concession stand until things
cool off. If you can, you may even want to sit somewhere else to avoid
further scrutiny. |
5. Outside the stadium,
anything goes.
Those wankers who choose to miss the excitement
of a ballgame to station themselves for a pop foul beyond the stadium walls
are the crud on the bottom of my shoe. Face it, if they're doing that,
they've probably snared plenty of baseballs already. Men, women, children,
senior citizens ... whoever. Once they leave the park, they're in the red
zone. No rules protect them out there. |
6. No using kids
as pawns for balls.
How many times have you seen parents walk
their kids over to fence behind the bullpen to lure a reliever into tossing
them a ball? Hey pops, the kid is more interested in the ice-cream-in-a-helmet
than the free baseball. You know it, I know it, the American people know
it. Be an adult and earn your own ball, you deadbeat. |
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